Things not to say at the dog park when your male dog is humping another dog:

  • "Yeaahhhh!! Give it to that bitch!"
  • "He’ll probably finish on her whiskers."
  • "Lucky bastard. I have to pay for dinner & a movie first."
  • "So that’s why they call it doggy-style."
  • "He learned that move from me."

The Art of Negotiation

August 16, 2007

I split my company 50/50 with a partner. Since we’re both smart and determined to make this thing work, we’ve decided to settle disputes with a coin flip. I’ve found this to be a wonderful way to avoid bad feelings. Lately I’ve been using this with my gal. If we can’t agree, we flip a coin. Her: “Let’s go shopping for shoes.” Me: “Let’s have a threesome with your slutty friend Ann.” I think I’ll soon be penning a letter to Penthouse.